Malik at large
by Chaos Revamped
Summary: Maliks life after Yami beats him. This is from Maliks POV, and is really weird...... Marik drags Mailk along to school, oh no. Will the school survive him? Well, it might of before Bakura got dragged along and put himself in the same class.....
1. Ohsoyummygooeysweet maple syrup!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, but I do own me!  
  
Note: This is basically Maliks (The Yami) thoughts while he is at school. Thanks to my mighty Authoress powers, I've decided Malik decided he wanted a physical form, so that's what he got, so him and Marik are now separate, but they can still talk through the mind-link if they want to. Be warned, Anzu bashing! My thanks to Malik_Ishtar67 for giving me the basis for this idea; I'll try not to make it too much like yours. Anyway, This is sorta my thoughts, seeing as I'm incredibly random, and yes, I really am plotting to take over the world, And I've got it all figured out, but I need a couple of million dollars to start it off, which is why I haven't annihilated all the teachers at school yet.  
  
I woke up this morning to some idiot's dog yapping somewhere. Stupid dog. Why do we have to live in this stupid house anyway, I *preferred* my temple, But no, these stupid humans think that living in a temple is weird.   
  
I was musing about how much I liked my stone Temple with all my mind slaves and where they got to when my baka hikari burst through the door.  
  
"Malik, I told you to get up early! We've got our first day at school! Aren't you ready? Where's your uniform?"  
  
"Would you believe one of my mind slaves ate it?"  
  
"Malik!"  
  
"It's in the corner. And I'm not wearing it."  
  
"You have to! It's the rules." My Hikari was really getting quite annoyed. This was kind of fun.  
  
"You wear it."  
  
"I am wearing mine!"   
  
"And that's how I know there's no way I'm wearing mine. You look ridiculous."  
  
"Fine! Go nude for all I care!"  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Malik!"  
  
"Fine, I'll wear the Ra-cursed piece of clothing then."  
  
"Good."  
  
Marik walked out of the door and I got up and put on that stupid uniform. I can't believe I have to wear this. Blue really isn't my colour. It makes me look washed out. At least I don't look like I was dropped in a bucket of bleach was I was little, like that tomb robber and his hikari. At least they'll be at this stupid school, but so will the Pharaoh, his hikari, that stupid Jou and *shudder* that stupid air head which was actually a challenge to take over her mind, seeing as there was so little of it and I had to search to find it.  
  
Eventually I walked downstairs to find Marik trying to cook breakfast, make lunch and tie his shoes at the same time. This was entertaining. I sat down at the table and watched him for a while. Awww, he was actually succeeding in doing it! Wow, I never knew he could multi-task. Eventually I got up and made sure the pancakes didn't burn while he did everything else.  
  
"Thanks Malik."  
  
"I'm only doing it because I like pancakes, and I don't want bits of charcoal for breakfast. Couldn't I just have one mind-slave to do some of the jobs?"  
  
"No! Yami said that you weren't allowed them anymore."  
  
"Baka Pharaoh."  
  
"You should be nicer. He didn't send you to the shadow realm."  
  
"So?"  
  
Marik sighed. That was good, he was learning not to argue with me any more. Or so I thought.  
  
"Malik, why do you have to be so egotistical?"  
  
"So I can make a good ruler when I take over the world. Just look at George Bush, He's damn egotistical, and America's the most important country so far."  
  
"Why do you have to take over the world?"  
  
"Because I want to. I miss my mind slaves. I wonder where they went?"  
  
"I don't really care."  
  
"That's the spirit!"  
  
"Malik!"  
  
"I think these are ready, Now where is that lovely, sugary sweet sticky substance which is oh so gooey-yummy-sweet?"  
  
"You mean the Maple syrup?"  
  
"How dare you speak its name! You are not worthy to speak of it in such harsh words!"  
  
"Right..." He's giving me that look again. Why do people do that? Now, I need that sugar.... Yay! Marik's gone up to his room to go and get it from where he's hiding it. I can't believe he won't tell me where he put it! Maybe I'll tell that baka airhead that I'll be nice if she gets me some Maple Syrup. Nah, It's not worth the horror of listening to one of her friendship speeches. Even the thought of them makes me feel sick. Yes! Marik's back with the Maple Syrup. He puts it on his pancakes first, the bastard. I'll get him back later, when I've taken over the world.   
  
"Now, Malik, say please."  
  
"If you don't give me the Syrup you'll be saying please for me to stop hurting you."  
  
"Then I won't get any more syrup."  
  
"You wouldn't dare."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Alright, please give me the damn syrup."  
  
"Sure!" That baka's grinning at me again. Stupid idiot. I pour that syrup all over my pancakes, and then onto my spoon. Marik always gets annoyed when I pour it in my mouth. On second thoughts....   
  
"Malik, I told you not to do that!"  
  
"Issh so niissh!"  
  
"Malik, stop it!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Stop it right now or I'll tell Yami!"  
  
"Who caresh?"  
  
"I'll get Anzu to talk to you about how bad Maple Syrup is for you."  
  
"Nooo!"  
  
"I will."  
  
"Alright then, here." I sadly handed the rest of the bottle of Maple Syrup to Marik. Mean baka. I ate the rest on my pancakes and licked the plate to get every last bit of golden yummy goodness off. Marik was staring at me again, so I glared at him.  
  
He grinned back.   
  
"Malik, I think if you lick that any more you're going to lick the glaze off." I glare at him again, and give the plate a few more licks just to show who's boss. Then I put the plate down and go sit on the couch. I hate this stupid couch. It's not evil, I'm sure. Nothing can be so comfy and still be evil. Damn it! Nothing's ever evil around here! Maybe I should recruit that stupid dog. Nah. Hey, didn't we have to go to that stupid school? I wonder when Marik's going to remember that?  
  
"Ahhh! Malik, we have to go to school!" Ahh, he remembered.  
  
"You really shouldn't stress so much, it's bad for you. And what's the big deal about school anyway? We'll just be being told things by stupid mortals who should all be bowing down to me."  
  
"....."  
  
"Well, let's go. I didn't put on this stupid uniform for nothing." We walked out the door and Marik led me to the new school. I don't think much of this place, to many buildings, and too many people! My Ra, I've never seen so many people. And all of them wearing the same clothes! That was just scary. Well, would be scary if I ever got scared. I am Malik, the future ruler of the world. I never get scared. Not even because of this weird lady with glasses almost as big as her face which keeps asking me questions that everyone calls "Miss"...  
  
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Well, that's the first chappie! Please, will somebody read and review my other fic, Twisted fate. It's a Marik (Good guy) / OC fic (But nothing's happened yet), which is very angsty. So, If you're into that type of fic, please read it! But, first, you've got to review. Isn't that right, Bakura-chan?  
  
Bakura: *Tied to chair* mfff! Mff mff!   
  
Marik: Maybe you should set him free.  
  
Chaos: No! He was mean, he said bad things about you and Malik!  
  
Malik: I'm all with the goddess on this one.   
  
Marik: He only said that he had more fan girls than us!  
  
Chaos: Exactly! How could anyone think that!  
  
Marik: Well, I am quite handsome....  
  
Chaos: I'm glad you see it that way. 


	2. Of Councillers and Dragons

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, but I wish I owned Marik and Bakura.....  
  
Bakura: You don't own me, so let me got already!  
  
Nope ^_^  
  
Bakura: Let me go or I'll sent you to the shadow realm!  
  
Just for that, you're going in this chapter! And anyway, you can't I'm the authoress ^_^  
  
Bakura: What! No, please! I would never go to that stupid school! I'd send everybody to the shadow realm the moment I saw them!  
  
Hmmm, that's an idea. I'm going to have to come up with a way to stop Malik doing that. Oh well, on with the fic! Actually I've got something else to say. The Councillers name is Umbria because I was watching this stupid cooking program on tv and the hostess was sooo annoying, and I didn't get her name, but they were cooking in Umbria. So, I have nothing against Umbria, I just don't like the lady that cooks there.  
  
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Malik eventually regained enough ego to start shouting at the teacher.  
  
"Who the hell are you? Will you get out of my face before I send you to the Shadow Realm!"  
  
"What's the shadow realm, dear? And I'm Miss Umbria, the school councillor. I heard you're new here! Isn't that wonderful! Please feel free to come and see me if you want, It's always good to talk, and it's even better to talk to friends. So, feel free to drop by my office one day!"  
  
Malik slowly backed away from the hyperactive overly cheerful teacher. She was scary.  
  
"You aren't related to Anzu, are you?" He said.  
  
"Oh, You know Anzu! Isn't she friendly! No, I'm not related, but we do talk often! She's so inspiring! Now, dear, I'll see you later!" With that she happily bounced off to terrorize another student. Malik sent a quick prayer of thanks up to the gods. He was shortly joined by Marik, who had been watching from a distance.  
  
"Thanks for not sending her to the shadow realm."  
  
"You've got my rod." (AN: Bad thoughts!)  
  
"Yeah, but you didn't even curse her." Malik was about to answer when Ryou appeared, dragging a very annoyed Bakura, also in the uniform.  
  
"You stupid hikari! Let me go right now! And give me back my ring before I injure you so badly you'll have to leave in several boxes!"  
  
"Hi guys. Well done Marik, you got him here as well." Said a calm Ryou.  
  
"Bakura? What the hell are you doing here?" Said Malik. Maybe there was a plot against all the Yamis.... They were going to torture him...  
  
"This baka dragged me here! I am not going to this stupid school!"  
  
Hmmm, well, with Bakura here, they could really cause some havoc...  
  
"Marik, let me talk to him."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I'll convince him to stay. I'm not going to be here all by myself, you know. Bakura, stop trying to kill your hikari and come over here. I want to talk to you."  
  
"If it's a plan to get me out of here, I'm all for it."  
  
"Something like that." The two yamis walked away from Ryou and Marik, who were watching curiously.   
  
"Bakura, Haven't you noticed that all these mortals already scared of you?" And that was true, already people were edging away from Bakura. He turned around to a group of girls staring at him and glared. The girls shrieked and ran away.   
  
"Ha, so they are. This might be fun after all."  
  
"Yeah, I know. So, what do you say? Do you want to make our hikaris regret ever sending us here?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Then lets tell them we'll stay here on one condition, that we're in the same class."  
  
"Alright. But if this doesn't work out, you will really regret it."  
  
"It'll work." Yes! Now we can start to have fun... What's the first thing we can do? Well, I'm going to have to get rid of whatever's making that annoying ringing sound for a start.  
  
"Malik! That's the bell!" said Marik.  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, you've got to go to class."  
  
"I'm only going if Bakura is in my class. I'm not going to be bored all the time I'm here, you know."  
  
"Whatever, just take him along and explain to the teacher. You're class room is next to ours. Come on!"   
  
Stupid Hikari, who does he think he is, telling me what to do like that? Soon he any everybody else will be bowing down to me. Just as soon as I make another plan..... First I think, me and Bakura will terrorize a few students... Sounds fun. Ahh, here's that class room.  
  
"Go in, you two." Said Ryou.  
  
"Whatever."   
  
The two yamis walked into the classroom. The teacher at the head of the class stood up.   
  
"Everyone, I'd like you all to welcome Malik Ishtar and, umm, I'm sorry sir, what's your name?"  
  
"Bakura. I'm in this class now, so you can go sit down and do whatever it is that teachers do."  
  
"Uh, Alright then. I'm Mrs Pari." Bakura and Malik ignored her and went and walked towards the back of the class. Suddenly Malik turned round and glared at everybody.  
  
"What the fuck are you all staring at? If you don't stop looking at me, I'll tape you to the wall so you can't look anymore. Got it?" The class all immediately became very occupied in cleaning their nails, reading a book ect. They were smart enough to know not to mess with him. Not so Mrs Pari.  
  
"Malik! That was very rude! I'd like you to apologize right now!"  
  
"Make me."  
  
"Mr Ishtar, I am the teacher, and that means you're supposed to listen to me! Apologize right now!"  
  
"Maybe another time. Like when hell freezes over." Mrs Pari glared at him for a while, and Malik glared back. Eventually the teacher looked away.  
  
"Very well, I'll let you get away with it this time. But don't try it again."  
  
"Whatever." Malik walked down to the back of the class and sat down next to Bakura.  
  
"Nice." Bakura commented.  
  
"Thanks. Your turn."  
  
"Not right now. This seems to only be a minor class room. I'll try in whatever class we have next."  
  
"Are you sure you're not just scared?"   
  
"I'll prove it to you next. What class do we have next anyway? Aren't we supposed to get a timetable?"  
  
"Yeah. Hey, teacher, do you have our timetables or have you managed to lose them already?"  
  
"Yes, I have your timetable. Come and get them."  
  
"I can't be bothered," Said Bakura. "You!" He said to the boy in front.  
  
"Y-Yes?"  
  
"Get my timetable."  
  
"Sure, whatever you say. I'm not disagreeing, no, not me."  
  
"Good. Stop your blabbing and get it. And get Maliks as well."  
  
"Ok." The boy walked up to the teachers desk and brought them the pieces of paper. He very carefully didn't look at either of them.  
  
"Hey," Malik commented as he grabbed the piece of paper from the boy, "This is almost like having mind slaves again."  
  
"Lucky you. I've got Physical Education next. Whatever that is."  
  
"I have English. Screw that, Physical Education sounds more interesting." Yeah, who wants to listen to English? I already know the language, what more is there to it? Physical Education sounds good, and Ryou hates it, so it's gotta be good. And I've got to get rid of that bell.  
  
"Bakura, what do you say we do something about that cursed bell?"  
  
"You read my mind. Don't do that."  
  
"I didn't. Stop being so paranoid!"  
  
"I'm not paranoid! I know the whole world is out to get me!"  
  
"What an idiot."  
  
"Not as bad as you!"   
  
"Asshole!"  
  
"Bastard!"  
  
"Excuse me!" Damn, it's that stupid teacher again. "Will you two boys please go to class!"  
  
"We would if we knew where the hell Physical Education was!"  
  
"Go down this corridor and when you get to the end, turn left. Now will you two please leave?"  
  
"Gladly."  
  
The two Yamis followed the directions and found themselves at a hall. Already there were a few people clustered outside the doors, waiting for the teacher.  
  
"Hmm, another new class. Your turn to terrorize them, Bakura."  
  
"Gladly. Hey, girl. What's this class about?"  
  
"My names Anise, and this is where we play games like basketball and tennis. Don't you know anything?"  
  
Bakura walked up to the girl until he was right in front of her.  
  
"I know that you should know better that to be that insolent to me." He growled.  
  
"Oh, I'm so scared. Who the hell do you think you are?"  
  
"I'm Bakura, and you're going to really regret that."  
  
"I'm so scared."  
  
"You will be." Hmmm, Bakura's not doing too good a job here. Maybe I'll help him out a bit. Now, what was that spell for the Dragon Illusion ?  
  
"Ahhhhh!" The girl screamed and ran away as a huge black and gold dragon appeared behind Bakura and launched itself at her. Bakura and Malik both laughed, while all the students ran as far away as they could.  
  
"Guess class is finished." Smirked Bakura.  
  
Well, another chapter out, yippie! I'm sorry it took so long, I've got a broken wrist and can only type with one hand. However, a new chapter will be out soon! With a new charicter none the less.  
  
Bakura: Ahhhhhhhhh! Get that thing away from me!  
  
Malik: If you like making fun of my scars, maybe you should have some as well!  
  
Malik, stop waving your millenium dagger rod thingy at Bakura. He's a spirit anyway, you can't give him scars.  
  
Malik: I can try.  
  
Don't. Do you know, I saw you for the first time yesterday! Yeah, I know, how can I write aboutyou when I'd never watched an episode of yugioh with you in it. Well, I don't know.  
  
Bakura: Stop your blathering and untie me!  
  
Nope! See ya all next chapter! 


	3. Interior Decorating and Death Threats

Disclaimer: Do you know I spelt that Deesclaimer when I was little? Hehehe. Anyway, I own a packet of bubble gum, a computer, a pencil, a few naughty drawings that I did, about a hundred pictures of Trunks from DBZ that I printed out ages ago, a full length poster of Legolas I got for my birthday, numerous dream catchers, pretty stained glass moon thingy, several hundred glow in the dark stars, lots of chocolate and cherry ripes (Yummy! ^_^), four cats, my invisible friend bob, an eraser, lots of scrunched up bit of paper, various lolly wrappers, shiny bits of paper and lots of CDs. Unfortunately, I do not own Yugioh, about which I throw random things about because of. Yay for randomness!  
  
Bakura: And the talent for pissing off everybody you meet.   
  
Meany! I'm going to cry.....  
  
Bakura: Yay.  
  
Okay then, I'll let Malik at you. Go on Malik, have fun!  
  
Malik: *Evil Cackle* Now let's see who has weird scars, shall we?  
  
Bakura: Nooo! Chaos, you can't do that!  
  
Yeah, I suppose I'll get trampled by Bakura fangirls. I know, I'll give you a nickname...  
  
Malik: Call him Baka-ra.   
  
I like it! Ok Baka-ra, you just stay put!  
  
Bakura: I don't have much choice, you tied me to the chair, remember!  
  
Oh yeah....  
  
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Malik was lying on the sofa, throwing random objects around and ripping random bits of paper up.  
  
This is so boring. At least I'm not at school. Stupid school. Stupid teachers. Stupid hikari making me go there. Maybe I'll go find the maple syrup! Yeah, Marik has to have hidden it in his room. Ahhh! Who put these stairs here? Stupid stairs, must abolish stairs when I take over the world and make everyone pay tribute to me in the form of Maple Syrup, which I will rename the food of life! Mmmm, Maple Syrup..... What was I doing again? Stairs, stairs.... Why am I on the stairs? Who cares. Ooo, that Rhymes! Oh yeah everyone bow down to the amazing Malik! Not only am I evil, scary, powerful and amazingly sexy, I'm also a poet! Oh yeah, go me! Why am I still on the stairs? Whee, down the stairs I go. Yay. Hey, what's under the stairs? Paint! Hmm, I think the house needs a little redecorating....  
  
***** 4 hours later******  
  
"MALIK! Why is my house painted black and purple!?!"  
  
"Aww, don't you think they go well together? I think they go very nicely with our hair."  
  
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU PAINT MY HOUSE PURPLE AND BLACK??!"  
  
"Because I got tired with white and green. Do you have any gold paint? I think a few millennium symbols would go quite well. Also the veneering-"  
  
"MALIK!"  
  
"Ahhh! Put the dagger down!"  
  
"You are so dead!" Hey, I thought I was the evil one....  
  
"You can't kill me, I'm already dead!  
  
Marik chased Malik up the stairs, yelling egyptian curses. Wow, even I didn't know that one. Wait, I am me...  
  
"Hey, Marik, who's been teaching you egyptian curses?"  
  
"I'm gonna kill you!"  
  
"Hmm, I don't know them... Ahhh! Hey, you don't even try to slice there! That's just cheating! Haven't you heard of the below the belt rule?"  
  
"Since when have you bothered with the rules?"  
  
"Since a crazy psychopathic me started chasing me round the house with a dagger!"  
  
"Don't you dare call me crazy! Psychopath, yes, but I'm not crazy, that's you!"  
  
"Okay, your not crazy, just a little weird- Ahhh! Mercy!"  
  
"Malik! Get out of the bathroom!"  
  
"Are you crazy? It's the only room with a lock in the house! And the bathtub looks good black..."  
  
"Malik! If you come out, I'll give you Maple Syrup!"  
  
"I'm not that stupid!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Okay, I'll let you live on one condition."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You go to school for the next week, and don't bugger off after the first two classes. Or until schools over." How bad can that be? All I need to do is terrorize the students enough. And it's gotta be better that being impaled with a millennium item by a crazed hikari.  
  
"Whatever. You promise to not try to kill me?"  
  
"Yeah, I promise."  
  
"Somehow I don't believe you."  
  
"I swear by the gods, I won't try to kill you as long as you keep going to school for the next week."  
  
"Okay then." I cautiously open the door. Marik stands there, still looking pissed off, but at least the millennium rod is back to normal. Maybe he won't stab me after all....  
  
"Good. Now go and plot world domination, or whatever it is that you do, and I'll cook dinner."  
  
"Can I have my rod back?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No." Maybe if I keep asking him, he'll give in. Then I can send that evil councilor to the shadow realm... Hehehe, scream little councilor, no one can hear you....  
  
"Malik?"  
  
"Huh? What! I was busy!"  
  
"Right. I don't want to know. Just stop mumbling to yourself."   
  
"Can I have a mind slave?"  
  
"Where'd that come from? And know, you can't."  
  
"Well, after a while their tortured souls in the shadow realm stop screaming and just start mumbling to themselves."  
  
"I thought you let them all go!"  
  
"I did." Ahh, happy memories when I was going to take over the world....  
  
"You scare even me sometimes."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"I going to dial a pizza. I don't want to let fire anywhere near you at the moment."  
  
"Aww, but it's so pretty. Maybe I could burn the school..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Just a few students?"  
  
"Malik, you are not going to burn anything!"  
  
"Not even that councilor?" Marik paused, then shook his head.  
  
"No! Malik, will you just drop the whole fire thing!"  
  
"What about C4?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Gunpowder?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Potassium Nitrate, sugar and water?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Petrol?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Sodium and Water?"  
  
"No! Dammit Malik, will you just shut up!"  
  
"Not even grenades?"  
  
"Malik, what topping do you want on your pizza?"  
  
"Maple syrup."  
  
"Last time I asked for that they gave me weird looks and told me they didn't do that flavor. Pick another."  
  
"Cheese and olive."  
  
"Okay. You do whatever it is you do, but no explosions."  
  
"Slave driver."  
  
"Thanks." I walked off too my room. Why doesn't the pizza place do Maple Syrup pizza? Can't they see how nice it is? Maybe I should just settle for taking over the pizza place for now. The baka pharaoh didn't say anything about *that *. Yes, what will I need? First I need my book of evil plots. Ahh, here it is! Under my bed. Why does everything end up there? It's like there's a gravity well there or something... Now, how should I take over the pizza place? First I need to find out where it is. Hmm, Step 1: Find pizza place. Then I need to frighten everyone away, so I'll need explosives. Marik didn't say I couldn't blow up the pizza place, just not the school. Step 2: Blow up small area of Pizza place. Then I'll need a hostage so they'll hand over those pieces of paper saying I own it. Step 3: Find hostage. Then, once I've done that, I'll own pizza place, and I'll make them make me Maple Syrup pizza forever! *Evil Laugh*  
  
"Malik, you're too quiet! What are you doing?"  
  
"Plotting to take over the Pizza place."  
  
"Why- no, I'm not going to ask."  
  
"Good. Where is it?"  
  
"I'm not telling you."  
  
"Mean hikari."  
  
"Crazy Psychopath."  
  
"And proud of it!" Not another bell, although that one's the door. Yes, It's the pizza man! He will know where the pizza place is! "I've got it!"  
  
"Malik, no!" I rush downstairs and open the door.   
  
"Whereisthepizzaplace?!"  
  
"Huh? Listen man, I only deliver. I don't talk to weirdos."  
  
"TellmewherethepizzaplaceisorIwillkillyouveryslowlyandpainfully! Marik! Let go!" My stupid hikari is pulling me away, and did he just slam the door in my face? Arrggg! I am going to kill him! The pizza man is walking backwards away from the house. I glare at him, and he runs into his little red van and drives off, narrowly missing the street lamp. Hehehe. Pizza! Yummy! I love pizza!   
  
"Malik, will you stop terrorizing everyone you meet?"  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"But then they won't be able to deliver pizza anymore."  
  
"Shush. Eating." Ahh, I love pizza! All that yummy melted cheese and crispy base! Yum! Ahh, all gone. Now I'm sleepy. Must go to bed and dream of world domination..... sleep...  
  
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Well, that is all for now. I know, I said I would do a new charicter in it, but I couldn't be bothered making this chapter too long. Also these ideas kept pouring into my head and I had to write them down. Well, you've got a nice long chapter, I feel proud.  
  
Bakura: XP  
  
Malik, what did you do to Baka-ra?  
  
Malik: Well, I was reading Purgurtory done by Kira-Kura, and my hikari gives Anzu sleeping pills. So, I figured that would shut Baka-ra up. His death threats were getting annoying.  
  
O_o Riiight. You had noticed that your hikari and Bakura are together in that fic?  
  
Malik: Ewewwewww! Don't remind me. You may have nothing against Yaoi, but remember that some people do! Ewww!  
  
Yay! Yaoi rules! As does Kira-Kura. She also gave me ideas for this fic, mine is a not-as-good version of hers. Please read her stories! Warning, I think all of them are Yaoi, but it's well written funny yaoi. See you all later!  
  
Bakura: XP  
  
Oh, also flames will be used to burn Anzus hairbrush. Let's see how she likes having messy hair! Muahahaha!  
  
Teehehe, I scare myself sometimes.... 


	4. Meet Neko!

Disclaimer: Waaaaaaa! I don't own Yugioh! I WANT MARIK!!!!!!!! MARIKMARIKMARIKMARIKMARIK-CHAN!!!!!!! Waaaaaa!  
  
Malik: You've got me. ^_^  
  
I know, and you're damn sexy, but you're just not Marik!  
  
Bakura: XP  
  
Is he still out? Malik, how many sleeping pills did you give him?   
  
Malik: Just one or two....  
  
Ok, he should be coming round soon.  
  
Malik: Bottles.  
  
What!!!!! You idiot! Bakura may be mean to you, but he's still the second most handsome bishi in all of Yugioh!  
  
Malik: Second?!  
  
Yep, you only rank third. Sorry, you are oh so sexy, but you just don't have the style of Bakura.   
  
Malik: *Evil eye twitchy thing*  
  
I think I'd better start the fic before he gets really scary.  
  
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Yami ran away from Malik as fast as he could, screaming as Malik shot boiling hot maple syrup at his with his Millennium rod.  
  
"Alright!" Yami screamed. "You can have my secret stash of Maple Syrup!"  
  
"Yes! Finally I have taken over the Maple syrup! Mwahahaha...."  
  
"Malik?" Said Yami.  
  
"What?! I was doing my evil laugh thingy!"  
  
"Malik!"  
  
"What!"  
  
"Malik! Wake up dammit!" I blearily opened my eyes to the bright sunlight streaming into my eyes. Stupid sun... take over world.... No more sun.....ZzzZZzzZZzzz  
  
"Malik!" Arrrgg!  
  
"Ow! Stupid freaking hikari! Did you have to hit me?!"  
  
"You wouldn't wake up! Now get into your damn clothes and get going! We've got to get to school! " Must get C4, blow up school. Hehehe.   
  
"I'm getting up already. Food. Hungry. Go. Ow!"  
  
"I'm not your damn slave! Now get up!" I got up, cursing at my hikari, and picked up the rumpled pile of clothes in the corner. Blegh, blue again. I hate blue. Red is a much nicer color. Or black. Why is my room black again? Oh yeah, painted it. That's why I'm going to the school again. I still can't see what the big deal is. Too early for thinking.   
  
I shuffled downstairs, and looked at the clock. 7:30?! Why me? There's Marik, cooking breakfast again. Ooo, Porridge! I don't get maple syrup with that, but I do get brown sugar! Yum yum yum! Sugar!  
  
"Marik, how long until it's ready?"  
  
"About three seconds. Get the bowls and I'll get the sugar." Arrg, blackmail. Or is it bribery? You know, being evil isn't easy. It requires a lot of studying. Stupid studying, stupid school. Stupid pieces of bowl. Where's a broom?   
  
***** 1 and a half hours later....*****  
  
"Hi Bakura. How'd Ryou get you here this time?" Hmm, Bakura looks strangely damp.  
  
"He chased me with a hose. My hikari scares me sometimes." Weird, I never knew Ryou would do that.  
  
"I had a dream I was chasing the pharaoh with Maple Syrup."  
  
"You and your maple syrup."  
  
"You and stealing things."  
  
"You and-"  
  
"Wheeeeee!" What the hell was that?! It looked like a fireball or something! And why is someone shooting fireballs at me and Bakura?! I knew it! They're after me!  
  
"Wheeeeeee! Bibip Bibip Bibip!" A gold and pink blur raced in between Bakura and me. A hassled looking man ran after it, shouting.   
  
"Neko! Will you stop mucking around!"  
  
"Bibip! It's the sugar! Wheeeee! I love Sugar!" The man slowed down to a walk as the blur whizzed past again.   
  
"I knew I should have listened to her father when he told me not to give her anything sweet." He mumbled as he eventually went through the door of the school, following the blur.  
  
"Well, that was weird." stated Bakura, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"You're telling me. But at least somebody else around here appreciates sugar." That damn bell rang again. I must fix that today.  
  
"We've got to go, we've got a classroom to terrorize, remember?" Said Bakura, striding towards the door that lead to our classroom. The door was locked, but when you've got an egyptian tomb robber hanging out with you, that's not a problem. We let ourselves in and sat at the back of the class again, until the rest of the class arrived. Ha, stupid teacher, lost her keys. Maybe I'll get Bakura to pinch them, she gets rather annoyed. Maybe there's the key to her house there, and she has Maple Syrup! Must take over world for maple syrup....  
  
"Good Morning class, and I'd like to introduce a new student to our class. Hopefully this time a well behaved one. Her name is Ri-"  
  
"Hi my name is Neko and if anyone else calls me anything else I will hang you upside down from the ceiling for an hour or so." The new girl was tall, with long bright gold hair done up in two ponytails. The cutsy effect was slightly ruined by the fact her hair was rather messy. She had bright green eyes that were staring disconcertingly at everyone, and I recognized her from this morning. It was the girl that had been having fun harassing her guardian.  
  
"Uh, well then, um, Neko, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?"   
  
"My name is Neko, I'm fifteen, I love sugar and I come from North Domino High school, but they kicked me out. My hobbies are: Taking over the world, eating sugar, getting kicked out of high schools, practical jokes and bonsai trees. Why are you all edging away?" She looked around, apparently confused, but I'm pretty sure there was a glint of amusement there. Finally, an interesting person. A little too weird, but interesting.   
  
"Well then Neko, I'm sure you will get along with our other two new students. If you will excuse me, I am going to have a rather severe word with the headmaster. I don't deserve this!" The teacher burst into tears and walked out the room. Neko watched her leave and as soon as she had left, turned around.  
  
"Okay, listening time is now. If someone is stupid enough to tell you my name, if you tell me who it is, you will be spared. If you ever call me by my other name, not Neko, you really will be hung up by the ankles on the ceiling. I did that to the headmaster once, that's why I got kicked out of North. Anyone want to be friends?" Upon seeing everyone back away except me and Bakura, she walked up to us and sat next to Bakura. I grinned, waiting for him to terrorize her.   
  
"What do you think you are doing?" He growled.  
  
"Sitting down. What's your name?"  
  
"Don't-"  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"You-"  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"My name is Bakura you stupid mortal!"  
  
"Why's your hair white?"  
  
"That's none of your business! What do you think gives you the right to sit down like you know me?!"  
  
"Why's your hair white?"  
  
"Stop doing that!"  
  
"Why's your hair white?"  
  
"It just is! Stop asking me questions!" Bakura glared, but it had no effect on the girl. She was either really stupid or an idiot. Braveness didn't come into it. Either that or she was mad. Now that would be fine. I'm mad, apparently. Maybe I'd better ask.  
  
"Are you mad?"  
  
"So I've been told!"  
  
"Ahhh. Figures."  
  
"Malik, what are you on about?" Bakuras glaring at me. Stupid Bakura, she could be interesting.  
  
"I'm mad, people say you're mad, so if she's mad, she makes sense."  
  
"What?! I think you've been in the sun too long."  
  
"He makes sense to me."  
  
"Shut up, girl."  
  
"Shut up, boy." I knew she would be interesting. Hey, all the class is watching. Pick a person, pick a person....  
  
"Hey, Neko, can you help me with something?" I said.  
  
"Sure! What?"  
  
"Well, I told these bakas yesterday not to stare at me, but they just don't seem to have got the message." I glared at the class. "So, I need your help to tape one of them to the wall. Bakura, can you help too?"  
  
"It would be my pleasure." He grinned at the class, and when we stood up, as one the class ran out the door.   
  
"Nice to meet you Neko." I said, but she was chasing after the class.   
  
"Come back! I wanna tape you to the wall!"  
  
"Riiight," Said Bakura, watching Neko chase the class down the hall. "Do you think we should follow her?"  
  
"It could be interesting." So, we followed the class down the hall way, only to be stopped by out hikaris opening a door and glaring at us. I never knew Ryou could glare. Maybe her got glaring lessons. Can you get glaring lessons?  
  
"What are you two doing?!" Marik said, watching the vanishing crowd.  
  
"Us? Nothing."  
  
"What are you two really doing?"  
  
"Jusy making friends with a cat."  
  
"Riiight..."  
  
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Well, dat's all I could be bothered with, my hand is getting sore. Stupid cast.  
  
Malik: Stupid you.  
  
Shush!   
  
Bakura: Arrrgg, did you get the name of the chariot?  
  
Nope! What chariot?  
  
Malik: He means his head hurts.  
  
Oh, okay-dokay. I'm getting rid of Twisted Fate, it sucks and I don't just have writers block, I have writers mountain.  
  
Bakura: You drugged me! MALIK!  
  
Oooops, forgot to tie him up again...... 


	5. Bakura gets drunk! Olay!

Disclaimer: Don't own! Muahehehe.... I think I've gone off my rocker.... I had one... rocking chairs are cool! Maybe it's off my rocket.... Wheeeee! Rocket! I could really use one of those for my plans of world domination. Aha! The world will be mine! Mine mine, all mine..... I sound like gollum off LOTR! Legolas rules! Go Legless!   
  
Bakura: Now she's finished her random ranting, let's carry on with the story, shall we?  
  
Malik: *Now tied up in chair* Yeah... And just for the record, the world's mine! I got dibs!   
  
Bakura: -_- ;  
  
Malik: Yami Malik  
  
Marik: Malik  
  
Bakura: Yami Bakura  
  
Ryou: Bakura  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Bakura and I followed Neko down the corridor, until the class ran and locked themselves in a class room. Neko pouted and walked back to us, just as the bell rang.  
  
"What do you guys have now? The teacher didn't give me a timetable... can't think why."  
  
"I've got history." Bakura said, pulling a scrunched up bit of paper from his pocket. I pulled a similarly treated piece of paper from my own pocket.  
  
"Cooking! Yes!"  
  
"Why are you getting so excited about cooking?"  
  
"They'll have sugar!"   
  
"Yeah!" said Neko, bouncing up and down. That girl is a little to hyperactive. Maybe she should be on sedatives. Marik tried to make me take some once, but I decided not to. Quite violently. It was kinda fun, really.   
  
Anyway, we're walking down the hallway, randomly opening doors and looking in them to see if there's anyone cooking. Eventually we reach a room that has all the cooking stuff, but everyone's just sitting at the table. Hello, this is a cooking class? Why is no-one cooking?   
  
"Hello?" A teacher walks out from a side room. She's spherical! I swear, she's wider than she is tall....  
  
"We're in this class now! What are we cooking?" Said a hyper Neko.  
  
"Oh, sorry dears, we're not cooking today. This is just theory." She smiled at us as if we were five years old. This teacher is seriously getting on my nerves. And I want to cook! It can't be that hard...   
  
"This is a damn cooking class! Why can't we cook!" yelled Bakura. He is getting angry. Yay!  
  
"I'm sorry, dear, but were are doing theory today. Why don't you sit down and I'll just get some printouts for you." She walks into her office. It has a lock on the outside. I grin. Slam! Click.   
  
"Good idea." Comments Bakura. Neko is nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Thanks."   
  
"SUGAR!" Yells Nekos voice from inside the side room. I run after her, while Bakura follows, shaking his head. How can he not like sugar?! Weird tomb robber. Yeah! I'm in heaven... Neko has found a BIG plastic box of sugar.   
  
"Wow." I say. I have never seen so much sugar. There must be over ten kilos of it! But how am I supposed to eat it? It just doesn't taste as nice when it's by itself. We need to cook something.   
  
"Don't tell me you two are just going to eat it all." Says Bakura.  
  
"Nope. I can't eat sugar by it's self."   
  
"Me neither." Notes Neko, looking sadly at the sugar.   
  
"We can cook something really, really sugary."   
  
"But can anyone cook?" We both stare at Neko.  
  
"You're a girl, you're supposed to know how to cook!" said Bakura. Neko threw a handful of sugar at him.   
  
"I resent that!"  
  
"I noticed." I comment, grinning. Bakura gives his best 'you-will-die-most-painfully-if-you-ever-mention-this-again' glare at me. I grin back. Bakura shakes the sugar out of his hair and walks over to the shelves, and finds a big box of sugar, which he carries out. He picks up a hand full of flour and before he can raise it to throw it at Neko, she blows. We now have one whiter than usual Bakura, and two slightly sugar hyped teenagers laughing their heads off.   
  
That would be me and Neko. We very quickly run away as Bakura grabs another two handfuls of flour and chase after us. He stops at on of the sinks and turns the water on. Ah good, maybe he's coming to his sens- Arrg! I just got hit in the arm by a handful of soggy dough! I forgot that when you mix water and flour together, they make a dough. That's how bread's made, I think.   
  
Neko got hit with the other handful of dough in the chest.  
  
"Bulls eye." Bakura says with a smirk. The rest of the class is staring in shock, some are laughing. Well at least they're having fun. Hey, Bakura's left the water on. While him and Neko are busy arguing, I tiptoe behind Bakura and put my thumb on the end of the tap. The water sprays off my thumb and hits Bakura in the back, and he jumps forward half a meter. Now more than half the class is laughing.  
  
Bakura is most definitely not.  
  
With a growl of frustration, he runs after me. Fortunately I've had practice with running away, when your childhood hobby was playing with explosives, you get good at running pretty damn fast.  
  
I dodge a table and run around the other side of it, putting it between Bakura and me. He pushes the table into me, Ow! Damn it! Now I'm stuck, and there's a angry Bakura covered in flour and water advancing on me. The whole situation is just so funny I can't stop laughing. School really is entertaining! Ack! Bakura's strangling me! I can't breath! I hit him over the head with the first thing I can grab, which just happens to be a rolling pin, and he backs away. He starts to walk towards me again, but is stopped by a voice from the back of the class.  
  
"Bakura!" Ryou and Marik walk through the door, then as soon as they catch a glimpse of Bakura, double over in laughter. Bakura's had enough and walks out the room.   
  
"Don't you want to play anymore?" Neko asks Bakura, who is considerate enough to raise a middle finger to her.  
  
"What... happened?" Ryou asks between his laughs.  
  
"Well, first Neko blew flour all over him, and then he threw dough at us, so I sprayed him with water-"  
  
"I wish I had had a camera!" My hikari says, wiping tears from his eyes. The rest of the class is still staring at us. I hate it when people stare at me!  
  
I follow Bakura out of the class, followed by Neko, Ryou and Marik.   
  
We leave the class still laughing, and follow Bakura down a corridor.   
  
He is doing his best sweepy-walk-stride thingy. Do you know how long it take to practice that? Of course, It's necessary when you're going to take over the world, no-one really worries about a guy who just sorta strolls along. Also it's really hard to get your cape/coat to swirl properly, especially around the corners.   
  
I am interrupted in my musings yet again by Neko. Doesn't she understand I'm thinking?   
  
"Is he always like this?"  
  
"No, generally he's on a angry rampage, stealing from random people on the street, setting fire to places that don't sell his favorite drink and running away from the police. It's just school that does it to him. I think it's taming him."   
  
I shudder. What a horrible thought. What if schools taming me?! No!   
  
I knew it was a plot! It's a plot by the pharaoh, he's going to make us all not evil and then when we're subdued, he'll take over the world instead of me! No! I must be evil, I must be evil, I must be evil. Got to remember that. Evil is what I am. I am is what is evilness. Nessevil is what me am. Me am ness what evil. Right. Now I'm confused. What was I thinking about again?  
  
Ooo, Neko's singing.   
  
"On to of old smoky, all covered in blood, I shot my damn teacher, with a A-41!"   
  
Hehehe, evilness song.   
  
"I see you've found a friend." My hikari notes. "Great, now we've got three psychopathic maniacs running around."   
  
"I shot her with pleasure, I shot her with pride. It was hard to miss her, she was fifty feet wide!"  
  
"I think she'll fit right in." I say, listening to the song. You know, I could adapt this...  
  
"Well I'm getting out of here before our teacher notices we're gone. I'm trying not to get expelled, you know."  
  
"I went to her funeral, I went to her grave. Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade!"   
  
"Go away. I have plotting." I say, and Marik raises a eyebrow.  
  
"....Just don't blow anything up, okay?"  
  
"Okay." Neko's stopped singing, but I've got an Idea! Not just an idea, but an Idea! Note the capital 'I'. That means it's special. Like me!  
  
"Neko!"  
  
"Yuppie!" Scary...  
  
"Do you have any spray paint?"  
  
"Yuppie!" I'll take that as a yes... Now we need a wall. Ooo, gold spray paint! Nice. I wonder why Neko goes around with spray paint in her bag?  
  
***** 20 minutes later *****  
  
I walk away from my handiwork and approach Bakura, who seems to have recovered some of his old evilness.  
  
"You know, your hikari isn't going to be please with you."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Good boy. You're getting eviler by the second." I think Bakura's being a little weird...  
  
"Bakura, are you okay?"   
  
"Perfectly fine! Lookie!"  
  
"Bakura?"  
  
"A wall!"  
  
"Bakura, what's that in your hand?"  
  
"Mine!" Oh, no. He's got alcohol. Now we're in trouble. I just hope no-one annoys him... And even if no-one does, I've got a drunk Bakura to deal with...   
  
"What's up with him?" Neko's noticed Bakura is animatedly talking to the wall.  
  
"He just gets random when he's drunk. It's like sugar for him." Oh no, trouble... that damn bell's rung.. We gotta move him before people notice. Mind you, It could be entertaining.... Nah.   
  
"Do you know if you spell okay with an 'l' it's olay? Olay!"   
  
I snatch the bottle of miscellaneous alcohol from Bakura and grab his arm.   
  
"Olay!" I drag him back in the direction that Ryou and Marik went, and luckily find them before Bakura 'olay!'s too many people.   
  
"What on earth?" Marik says as Bakura yells olay at another person.  
  
"Bakura, are you all right?" Ryou says.   
  
"Olay!"   
  
"If you say so... Malik, what did he have?" I look at the bottle in my hand.   
  
"Rum! I wonder why they have that in cooking... It's either for flavoring or for when the class just gets to be too much for the teacher."  
  
"Oh, no. I think I'd better take him home-"  
  
"Olay!"  
  
"Hey there Ryou. What's up?" It's that blond dimwit. The one that really doesn't like me...  
  
"Olay!"  
  
"Hello, Ryou!" And the shorty pharaoh-hikari.  
  
"Olay!"  
  
"What's wrong with Bakura?" says shorty.   
  
"He's... not feeling well."  
  
"Olay! Let's party!"  
  
"He seems well enuf ta me." Says the blond mutt. Why can't he speak properly?  
  
"Party! Let's have a party! Come over to my house, we gonna party!"  
  
"Okay. I'll tell Honda."  
  
"No!" Ryou shouts.  
  
"Why not? You commin, Yug?"   
  
"If grandpa says so. Hey, Honda, Anzu! Do you want to come over to Ryous house after school?"  
  
"Okay."   
  
"Party! Olay!"  
  
"Nononono!" Ryou was being completely ignored. So, I decide to invite a few more people. Ooo, there's Isis! Hahaha, maybe we can embarrass her!  
  
"Isis! Wanna go to a party at Ryous house?"  
  
"Okay!" My Hikari is staring at me. Maybe he wants to come along!  
  
"Marik, you coming?"   
  
"I suppose I'd better. Ryou's gonna need some help."  
  
"Olay!" *thump*. Guess all the excitement was just too much for Bakura. He slowly disappears as the millennium ring around Ryous neck glows, and Ryou hastily tucks the Millennium ring out of sight. Bakura, as it were, was tucking himself out of sight.  
  
Looks like there's gonna be a party!  
  
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There we are! Another chapter, finally. I'm sorry I've been abandoning it, but I've got writers block and it's been a struggle to write this chapter. Maybe I'll write another one soon, we'll have to see!   
  
However, random-weirdness-lovers, Do not despair! I have a new fic out, The Boys of Yugioh! We drag them up on TV, and let them squabble while me and my co-host, Yami Hugglepuff, add random chaoticness! Or is it Chaotic randomness? Anyway, the first chapter features the 5000 year old pharaoh having a bad hair, Yami Yugi! Looks good, ne?  
  
Don't forget to review!  
  
Bakura: I'm gonna kill you! You had better not put me in that fic....  
  
Malik: She will.  
  
Bakura: Kill!  
  
Malik: Eeep! 


End file.
